3 Months

Written By Ellen Marrs

Today marks 3 months since Preston's Passing.

There is not a moment in the day that I do not think about Preston. From the moment my eyes open until they close at night he is always there in my mind with me.

In the stillness of the dark is when I am able to stop the noise of the outside world and find a time for self reflection. It is this time that I reconnect with my grief and my walls come down. 

A flood of thoughts, emotions and memories fill my mind

I do not know what to do with these feelings and thoughts especially when they are about you. An empty black hole fills my chest.

It is heavy. 

A heaviness that only I can feel.

My memory always takes me back to seeing your traumatized body in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital expecting it to be a broken bone but ominous thoughts infiltrated my mind. I knew in that moment you were beyond recovery from the state your broken body was in. 

Hearing dad scream at you to fight, fight for your life Preston!

Heartbroken because I knew the devastation we were enduring. We didn't have much time with you in the hospital, but the time we had meant everything to us.

Towards the end, I'll never forget you lying in the ICU bed and dad telling you, it's OK buddy. You can go, you don't have to be strong anymore. Listening to the words that a father should never have to say to their 16 year old son. 

My wanting to turn back time longing to do anything to prevent you from leaving us. Our world was flipped on its axis and we found ourselves in an altered space and time. Nothing made sense. How could this have happened? One day you were a brilliant beaming life and then instantly, you were taken from us.

I kept saying this is so crazy, how is this happening? While holding my head and tears pouring down my face. I couldn't wrap my head around what my heart was enduring. The endless chasms of the heart. Harboring everything that wasn't right with the world. Deep inside is where you'll lie. Always with me while simultaneously being unreachable.

Why did this happen to you? Your light shown so bright that somehow it found its way through the darkness and out into the world. Your love and light have continued to touch this world. Your ability to bring us all together to celebrate your life and fight for justice for you. Your light radiates through the darkness and opens our hearts back up to fill them with flashbacks of your life and moments we've shared together. 

—Written by Melissa Ciconte, Preston’s Bonus Mom

Ellen Marrs

Ellen is a successful entrepreneur, author, homeschooling mom of seven, and three-time Boston Marathon finisher. She is the author of “Lessons from the Finish Line”, her personal story of faith, passion, and perseverance in the pursuit to run 12 races in 12 consecutive months. She is also a compilation author in "Women Who Rock", a book highlighting the stories and successes of women from various backgrounds and stages of life.

The focus of Ellen's business and her personal goal in life is to make a positive impact on the world with those who choose to join her in “The Kindness Revolution”. She teaches individuals, businesses, and non-profit organizations the importance of expressing gratitude through relationship marketing, as well as her signature class, “Gratitude: The Missing Link”. In a span of just three years, the students in her classes impacted over 10,000 people with compassion, gratitude, and kindness.

Ellen was most recently featured by FOX 10 TV, the Boston Athletic Association, Boston University News Service, Voyage Phoenix, and Networking Times magazine, a global publication for the network marketing profession.

Ellen fuels her passion to help others and make a difference in the world by sharing her story with abuse victims, foster children, and potential foster parents. As a motivational speaker, trainer, and mentor, she inspires others to overcome difficult circumstances, pursue their dreams and achieve their goals with unbridled passion. She has mentored countless individuals, businesses, and non-profit organizations in relationship marketing and "acceleration through appreciation".

To relax, Ellen enjoys running, riding motorcycles, and spending as much time as possible outdoors with her family. She currently travels the United States with her husband, Rick, and their seven children.

To connect with Ellen, reach out via social media or the Life on Planet Marrs website.

https://lifeonplanetmarrs.com
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